What if? If Only...

→ 15 Jun 13 at 7 pm

Someday my pain
Someday my pain will mark you
Harness your blame
Harness your blame, walk through

With the wild wolves around you
In the morning, I’ll call you
Send it farther on

Solace my game
Solace my game, it stars you
Swing wide your crane
Swing wide your crane and run me through

And the story’s all over
In the morning, I’ll call you
Can’t you find a clue
When your eyes are all painted Sinatra blue

What might have been lost
What might have been lost
What might have been lost
What might have been lost

Don’t bother me
(Don’t bother me)
What might have been lost
(Don’t bother me)
What might have been lost
(Don’t bother me)
What might have been lost
(Don’t bother me)
What might have been lost
(Don’t bother me)
What might have been lost
(Don’t bother me)
What might have been lost
(Don’t bother me)
What might have been lost
What might have been lost

Ah, ah

Someday my pain
Someday my pain, my pain
Someday my pain
Someday my pain

Pretty much sums it up.

♥ 1
→ 15 Jun 13 at 7 pm

tags: me personal hospital

Rant-ish

So after the last post I just put up I felt it was also important to share this side as well. I have just had yet another surgery from my short 28 years of being alive…..hopefully this is the last that will ever happen (although you get told these things on numerous occasions). It has been really hard having people completely misdiagnose me, treat me badly because they cannot figure out what is wrong etc. When things like this happen in life you find out how real people are…..I have witnessed so many people fall to the wayside, people I held in high regard as friends, I have learnt when they don’t understand or can’t cope with something (even if it doesn’t actually directly effect them) they will simply find it easier to bow out and never speak to you again. My entire twenties has been filled with lost opportunities and just having to sit back and watch my peers move about living and achieving incredible life goals, and while I feel a great happiness for them…there is still part of me that has hated sitting from the sidelines feeling like I’m just floating about. Don’t get me wrong….I have felt slightly cheated…but it has only been in the last year that this has started to change.

Time for change, time for the mask to come down, time to finally stop this dress rehearsal and begin the main act. With that I want to post these pictures of myself with no pretense and maybe see behind the mask…..This is my last time in hospital hopefully, and this is ME, no filter, no touchups….with of course Bukowski to keep me company.

I have been in the gutter and now need to start looking up at the fucking stars.

Also the song that was playing in my headphones just before they put me under

All I can say at the end of the day is……Thank fuck for books, music, film and family….you all played a role <3

→ 15 Jun 13 at 6 pm You may recognise Toni. I’ve photographed her before, and as on those occasions, when we shot these she reminded me just what it is to have a creative tour de force be

Shoot I did almost a year ago for a good human being that I know, he has finally starting to put out his photos again so wanted to show some support. <3

tags: me manipulaphotography shoot

The Return of Toni

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→ 15 Jun 13 at 4 pm (Source: elopse, via hatsumislaundry)

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→ 09 Jun 13 at 11 am

Charles Bukowski (via henrycharlesbukowski)

"That moment - to this …
may be years in the way they measure,
but it’s only one sentence back in my mind -
there are so many days
when living stops and pulls up and sits
and waits like a train on the rails.
I pass the hotel at 8
and at 5; there are cats in the alleys
and bottles and bums,
and I look up at the window and think,
I no longer know where you are,
and I walk on and wonder where
the living goes
when it stops."

♥ 2465
→ 09 Jun 13 at 11 am (Source: finching, via mindtricks-)

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→ 09 Jun 13 at 11 am lovequotesrus:

EVERYTHING LOVE
(Source: give-embutterflies)

♥ 1101
→ 09 Jun 13 at 11 am (via millablackheart)

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→ 09 Jun 13 at 11 am weissesrauschen:

° ʃ ° by ►►▬◄◄ on Flickr.

(via mrfrivolous)

♥ 699
→ 09 Jun 13 at 11 am fewthistle:

Le Chat Au Chapeau. Paris. 1937

Photographer: Brassaï

(via thelostmuse)

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→ 09 Jun 13 at 11 am (Source: xokrista, via ppprick)

♥ 15
→ 03 Jun 13 at 11 am

Tobias Woolff (via mimzylemimz)

"When we are green, still half-created, we believe that our dreams are rights…and that falling and dying are for quitters. We live on the innocent and monstrous assurance that we…have a special arrangement whereby we will be allowed to stay green forever."

♥ 11304
→ 03 Jun 13 at 11 am (via dirtybluues)

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→ 03 Jun 13 at 11 am

Oscar Wilde (via wakethefckup-thisisreality)

(Source: onlinecounsellingcollege, via digsunsets)

"The only one you need in your life is that person who shows you he needs you in his."

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→ 03 Jun 13 at 11 am celebritiessmoking:

Winona Ryder
(via digsunsets)